Tagged: Google

Are You Insane? Let Me Guess How You Found My Blog… And a Little Bit of Blog Love Too!

Okay, so this week I am being totally boring because I’m having bloggers block and my attempts at writing my next post are not getting me anywhere! So I have decided to take the opportunity to respond to a blogging award nomination and also share some random nonsense, to justify this as a REAL post for the week!

So, when I can’t finish any of the gazillion drafts sitting in my blog, there is only one way out – to write a list! This week I have mainly been inspired by the weird and slightly disturbing search terms that have been coming up on my blog, but also by the many other blogs I have been reading and what I have learnt since I started blogging just over two months ago. The following are the top ten of these:

1. People, or more specifically, people who write and read blogs, are awesome and they brighten my life!

2. They are also sometimes insane… as is evident in the following search terms which have led people to my blog.

-      Tenis player not wear pant – okay, I guess I was asking for this one with all that talk of Marat Safin and his flood pants, but seriously, who were you hoping to find?

-      What is hi fives porn – If this is something that exists (and by the number of referrals, I’m guessing it does), I can guarantee this is NOT something you will be finding here. Move along!

-      Eating my ex on the couch – I’m fairly certain I do not ever want to meet you…

-      High five? Potato – If this was ‘high five? Mashed potato’ I would assume you were my arch nemesis. Alas, I have no idea what you were hoping to achieve. High five? Potato!

-      Ecards about stupid people – I think I have Googled this exact search term, let’s be friends!

-      What is the fear of high fives called – Oh. My. God! I am not alone!

-      Potatoes with cotton buds – I’m confused. Why does the potato have cotton buds?

-      I can count to potato – Good for you!

-      Women crapping – I am not even joking!

-      Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair – Wow, you have a way with words. I suspect you may be the reason for my fear of high fives…

-      You call it madness but I call it love – Yes, and I call you insane. Have we dated?

-      Green balls – I think you should get off Google and get to the doctor… Now!

-      What is this shitload of mashed potatoes day – I think I had a nightmare along those lines just last week… a whole day of being chased around by a giant plate of mashed potato with legs… it’s all coming back to me…

3. I am not alone in my pug love – Yep, my blog has received visits from people using 31 different Pug search terms so far! Some of my favourites are ‘pug with backpack’ ‘thank god it’s Friday pug’ and ‘pug true love’. I feel my heart warming just reading them! This is from one particular morning several weeks ago:

4. WordPress is my friend – It’s true. I’ve actually found I spend more time with WordPress these days than with most of the people in my life. It makes me happy!

5. Twitter is not my friend – Also true. I Tweet… I get sweet nothing back… but I shall persist….

6. I wish I was cool enough to have a Facebook page for my blog – Alas, I am not, but I shall continue to sit back and silently envy those of you who do… Sitting there all smug in your popularity…

7. I want to start taking photos for my blog – I’m making this one of my missions in life. Having broken my iPhone camera and with minimal chance of lugging my SLR around with me each day, the likelihood of this happening is slim to none – so I’m aiming to post one photo I have taken by the end of 2012. Achievable? Achievable!

8. www.someecards.com is a sarcastic bloggers best friend – Seriously, the best resource ever! And they’re FREE!

9. There’s a fairly good chance I will fail in my attempt to blog every week of 2012… although I remain 100% committed to trying my hardest!

10. Blog awards are great for the ego – and a great excuse for spending an entire day reading other blogs… And on that note:

The rest of my entry today is to accept and pass on a little blog love with four (yep, FOUR) awards rolled into one… I don’t even know how this happens and am slightly overwhelmed, but I’m going to go with it and see what happens!

So, first and foremost, many many thanks to No Sugar, Just Spice for nominating me… in perusing your blog I see we share some embarrassing old music tastes… well, taste, I should say… I’m not at the point of publicly admitting to such a thing, but just for you *ahem*:

“Have you ever stood outside a picket fence… you’ll see through… but you can’t get to the inside… oohhhhhhh!”

I still remember all the words… how embarrassing… let’s never mention this again!

So, the awards are:

  1. Mrs. Sparkly’s Ten Commandments Award
  2. The Sunshine Award
  3. The Candle Lighter Award
  4. The Liebster Award

To roll all the questions into one, I’m just going to answer EVERYTHING in one go and then nominate those blogs I would like to pass the love onto.

So, here goes:

1. Describe yourself in seven words.
Small, Energetic, Loyal, Passionate, Impatient, Blunt and High-Pitched (although that’s kind of eight!)

2. What keeps you up at night?
Blog writing!

3. Whom would you like to be?
Noone, really. I’m pretty happy just being me.

4. What are you wearing now?
Tracksuit pants, a hoodie and my ugg boots… exciting, I know!

5. What scares you?
Mice and Horses.

6. What are the best and worst things about blogging?
Best: Interacting with other bloggers and getting feedback on my posts.

Worst: Writing a post when I’ve given myself a deadline. I always leave it until the last minute!

7. What was the last website you looked at?

I was Googling the lyrics to the song quoted above… I can’t believe I actually second-guessed myself!

8. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?

 I  guess being a bit more tolerant to stupid people…?

9. Slankets, yes or no?

I think you mean Snuggie… and I would go with a no.. except on little kids and dogs, have you seen the dog snuggie? So cute! I wonder if there is a photo of a pug in a snuggie somewhere out there…

Oh. My. God…

10. Tell us something about the person who nominated you.

She sorts her fries by size. True story.

11. Favorite Color:

Blue.

12. Favorite Animal:

Dogs, Elephants and Seals.

13. Favorite Number:

4

14. Favorite Non-Alcoholic Drink:

Sparkling water.

15. Facebook or Twitter:

Facebook

16. My Passion:

Travel

17. Getting or Giving Presents:

Giving

18. Favorite Pattern:

Pattern?? Weird question… any of Cath Kidston’s floral prints?

19. Favorite Day of the Week:

Sunday

20. Favorite Flower:

Lillies

And ten blogs to nominate:

http://theghostlife.wordpress.com/

http://undomesticatedhousewife.com/

http://beetleandswan.wordpress.com/

http://brookeandmckenzie.wordpress.com/

http://nevercontrary.com/

http://susielindau.com/

http://imnotfamousandneitherareyou.com/

http://livenerddierepeat.wordpress.com/

http://disseminatedthought.wordpress.com/

http://learnmesomething.wordpress.com/

Yay!
And to make up for this poor excuse for a blog post, I present you with a pug, to brighten your life!

I love Pugs… But I Hate Full Stops on Bullet Points

Do you ever have those dilemmas in life when you have to go against something you really believe in, just to keep the universe balanced? I have this problem with full stops on bullet points.

I accept that grammatically, either way is acceptable, but I just don’t think it’s right.

Having said that, I was recently re-reading one of my blog posts which I had published in a hurry and I realised that I had unknowingly finished two bullet points with full stops and one with an exclamation mark. After hyperventilating for a short moment, I pulled myself together long enough to deal with it.

In fairness to myself, I had used the full stop when adding a final word or two to the point. For example:

- Pugs are awesome. Fact.

Totally necessary. But by using two full stops and one exclamation point, I had unintentionally thrown my entire post off balance.

There was only one solution – go back through and add a full stop to every bullet point… all the while accepting that this would result in me not sleeping that night.

I started thinking about what other totally minor things have threatened to tip me over the edge in recent months and fairly quickly realised that I might actually be insane. But hey, who is judging? These are just a few:

USING CAPITALS FOR A HEADING OR IN AN EMAIL

I’m not even joking, people actually do this. In reports, people like to use capitals all over the shop and it has, on occasion, very nearly killed me. If you need a heading, there’s this wonderful thing called bold which is designed for adding emphasis without screaming.

Excessive capitalising in email is particularly unpleasant at work when customers, or people associated with customers think they’ll get a better response from me by CAPITALISING all the AGRESSIVE words in their EMAIL… well, guess what? When I read the third misspelt and capitalised word you included, I lost all interest in helping you in any way. Instead, I have made it my mission to ruin your life!

If you’re reading this and you have a tendency to capitalise unnecessarily, please do not ever make me aware of this. It won’t go well. Capital letters should be reserved for the occasional emphasis of a single word and nothing else. For example -Pugs are AWESOME.

txt spk n emails (Text speak in emails)

Last year, I received the following one-line email from our IT guy at work:

“ok np.. ‘only’ looks a bit stupid in the comparison popup though imo”

After staring blankly at my screen for a good twenty seconds, I called a colleague into my office and said ‘I think IT Guy might be having a seizure!’

Apparently I’m just not down with the lingo. Mucho awkwardo.

I am the first to accept that I overuse the acronyms OMG and WTF and maybe it’s a double standard, but under no circumstances should lol, lmfao, np, imo, fml, ffs, ftw or ttfn be used in an email. It takes me more time to Google what it means that it would take you to just write in English!

And don’t even get me started on ‘totes’!

Using the space bar instead of tab

If you reeeeaaallly want to piss me off, put together a nicely aligned and spaced document which has been formatted without using the tab button. Go on,  do it. I dare you…

I guarantee I will squeal, hyperventilate and not speak to you for at least two hours.

Even better, put the header content on the main page, the page number at the top centre and don’t bother with columns, just split all the text into two and put spaces between everything…. EVERYWHERE*!

Times New Roman

Do I need to elaborate? Why does this font still exist?!?

So now you’re starting to grasp how challenging my life is and you’re no doubt wondering how I cope…

I take a deep breath, open a new window in Google Chrome and search Google Images using two magical words ‘Awesome Pug’…

And just for you, my lovely blog readers, I am letting you into my world for a moment. This is the wall above my work desk, I call it The Wall of Pug Inspiration**!

*Please note totally appropriate use of capital letters

** Yes, that is Jacob on the top left. Yes, he has a speech bubble saying ‘I love you… see you tonight!’ but just hold your judgement, I am 100% Team Edward!